Improve Your Product Description Copy

I want to compare some copy in four online catalogs, in this case men's polo type shirts. I haven't shown any photos or prices, as important as they are, because I want you to focus on the power of the words. Look especially for words that make you want to buy. Which are focusing on customer benefits, and which on product features? Which use words that motivate the buyer to make a purchase.

Lands' End Men's Long-sleeve Solid Pima Polo Born of the world's softest cotton. At a glance: Peruvian pima cotton interlock Smooth placket Sturdy reinforced shoulders Taped neck and shoulder seams Long sleeves More Information: Peruvian pima feels good. So good, you don't want to wear it only when it's warm. This long-sleeve version is perfect for chillier days and cool summer nights. Pima cotton is the finest -- thus softest -- on earth. And every last fiber is combed to coax out the purest loft and luxury. It also bridges the gap between refined and casual. The knit is smooth, substantial, flawless. Ideal for business casual. Best of all? Even with all the careful detailing -- soft neck tape, arrow-straight placket, immaculate seams -- it still costs less than you might expect. Machine wash. Imported.

JCPenney St. John's Bay® Print Polo Shirt Ribbed collar and cuffs. Button placket with herringbone taping liner. Shoulders are reinforced with hidden taping for extra durability. Hemmed bottom. Patterns may vary. Washable. 100% cotton jersey knit. Imported. (0.50 lb.) Arizona Jean Co.® Print Piqué Polo Shirt Piqué print polo shirt. Just right for relaxing in 100% cotton comfort. Looks great with jeans, chinos or khakis. Oversized fit. Washable. Imported. (0.50 lb.) Nordstrom Callaway Men's Tipped Polo Make a statement on or off the golf course in this bold red polo. Black and natural tipping at the collar, placket and cuffs. Breathable 100% cotton knit. Extra long tails stay in during play. Machine wash. Imported for Callaway Golf Apparel by Nordstrom. Square Jacquard Polo A richly patterned jacquard polo shirt that is great on the golf course or off. The subtle tone-on-tone pattern lends a sophisticated look. Machine wash. By Burma Bibas. Imported. Macy's Polo Ralph Lauren Short-Sleeved Mesh Polo One of fashion's all-time favorite basics, the short-sleeved logo polo shirt by Polo Ralph Lauren. In cool, breathable 100% cotton mesh with ribbed knit collar and cuffs. Imported. 100% cotton, two-button classic placket Imported Reunion Silk Long Sleeve Polo In an absolutely elegant all-silk fabrication this long sleeved polo radiates luxurious style. Great for career, dressy and elegantly casual looks. 100% silk. Imported.

Description Length

Macy's, Nordstrom, and JCPenney all use short, two sentence descriptions, with another phrase or two about features. This reflects the style of terse descriptions required to fit the most products into the least space in a print catalog, not quite as terse as a Sunday newspaper sale flier. Lands' End ad copy, on the other hand is rather full, much like the style of their print catalogs. Which is more effective? I vote for the Lands' End. Direct marketers have found that, in general, the longer the copy, the higher the number of sales. I think this rule holds true with online catalogs, as well. It is possible, of course to have copy that continues endlessly and make it hard to find the order button. Lands' End, however, has two sections for their copy. "At a Glance" to the right of the product photo, and "More information" below the main product specification and order area.

When paper and postage are a limiting factor, then brevity is a virtue. But on the Web, once the initial copywriting and product photography has been done, brevity has no advantage. In fact, brevity is a disadvantage.

Lands' End rightly recognizes that in lieu of you touching and stroking the garment, they need to do it for you. Lands' End, of course, has relied completely on their catalog. The other example stores all have a strong brick-and-mortar presence, which means they might tend to have a sale-flier tradition rather than a catalog tradition like Lands' End.

Features vs. Benefits

One mantra of direct marketers is to stress benefits more than features. When I survey the description copy, the terse format really doesn't allow any room at all for benefits, except, perhaps, the benefit of status. It's all feature-based.

Lands' End, on the other hand, includes both features AND benefits. Notice that the features are listed in bulleted form in the "At a Glance Section." Benefits, however, are described in the "More Information" section: " Peruvian pima feels good. So good, you don't want to wear it only when it's warm. This long-sleeve version is perfect for chillier days and cool summer nights." The benefits are "feels good" and "warmth." But notice how the words caress your ears. You can almost feel the softness and warmth the way the copywriter says it.

Quality is a benefits of sorts, and this, too is expressed in many ways. "Pima cotton is the finest -- thus softest -- on earth. And every last fiber is combed to coax out the purest loft and luxury. It also bridges the gap between refined and casual." Here you have both quality and luxury, features as well as positioning, "the finest ... the softest." Note the words caressing you and making you feel like you're touching the fabric: "... combed to coax out the purest loft and luxury." The words are sensual and make you feel the touch of the fabric.

You can't use all benefit language; you need to list the features, too. But the more benefit language you use, the more you make the shopper WANT to purchase your product.

Positioning Language

One element I see in nearly all the examples above is positioning. Look at the positioning vocabulary. Lands' End: "It still costs less than you might expect." But in their sparse style Both Nordstrom and Macy's are positioning their garments to be the luxury leader, not the low price leader. Consider phrases such as:

• "Make a statement on or off the golf course..."
• "Absolutely elegant all-silk fabrication
• "Radiates luxurious style
• "A sophisticated look"

Telling the Story

Though I haven't included any examples, a tremendous way of selling the product is to tell a story in relationship to it. Tilley Hats (http://www.tilley.com) miss the boat in their online store. Their print catalog tells the story of how one of their hats was eaten by an elephant three different times, went through the digestive system, and after washing, came out as good as new. But I couldn't find the story on their website. It's pretty graphic, but I think it would sell Tilley Hats. Maybe not the precise hat that has been recycled in that way :-), but ones just like it. They do have an "About Us" section entitled "Ode to the Tilley Hat" that tells the story of how they got started (http://www.tilley.com/aboutus.html). It would be even better to include a piece of that story with each hat. Every bit of lore that you share about a product makes it that much more desirable. That's the way the human mind works. Tell your stories. Tell your customers' experience with the product. Space is not at a premium on the Web.

I can remember when I was a boy looking at a small display ad for a Kelsey printing press (metal moveable type and all) in the back of a Popular Mechanics magazine. I sent away for the catalog, and then absorbed everything I could in the catalog. I read every testimony of how people had made money and started businesses with their Kelsey presses. Stories were especially powerful. I could imagine myself in their situation, and their success being my success. I was sold. Finally, I quit my paper route and used some of my earnings -- several hundred dollars -- to purchase a 3 x 5 press. Did I start a business and make lots of money? Sort of. I earned pocket change through high school, and probably a little more than paid back my initial investment. But my interest in publishing has continued to this day and manifests itself in website design and four newsletters. Tell stories that relate to your products, and you'll sell more. (I just told you a story to make you want to tell stories.)

Of course, it's a major project to rewrite product descriptions for a large catalog site. Start with your new product lines for Spring, and then go back and re-do your best sellers. Over a period of time, you'll have compelling description copy in a high percentage of your site, and you'll be selling to a high percentage of shoppers than you used to.